About Me

I am a proud wife and mother of 3 girls, 2 dogs, & 3 cats. I lost my job last year, due to budget cuts in education. I feel sick over the loss. I have decided to overcome my depression and weight gain, by turning my life around. First item - weight loss. I want to feel better, have more energy, see my kids grow up and meet my grand-kids. I don't want to be embarrassed about my size, if I don't get the job, I don't want to wonder - Is it because I am fat? I want to find me.


I'm glad you stopped by, and hope you find some connection or a bit of enjoyment in my musings of uncovering my true self; a lighter, happier, mother and wife. Leave a comment, support the sponsors, follow my blog, but most of all, be inspired and know you are not alone!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Happy Monday! :) (Bouncing back!)

Whew! That was better.

This weekend I had to make up for my terrible week. I did great! I survived a surprise birthday party and Sunday football, while making good food choices.

I was inspired by a quote by a fellow blogger…I cannot remember which blog I read it on...sorry!     

Here it is: "You will NEVER REGRET what you DON'T eat." Simple as that.

I used to get so caught up in the "taste" or the "idea" of eating a certain food, like I was an addict. You know what; I think I was a food addict. I didn't care if it was healthy or not, if I liked it, it was going into my mouth. Now I'm much more calculated in my assault on food. I think about how I will feel afterwards. Will I regret it? Is it worth an extra 30 minutes of exercise just for that little bite of cake? HELL NO! I would rather NOT eat it, and use those 30 minutes for something else. J

I spent too much time regretting what I ate last week, and in my "previous" fat life. I have wasted too much time eating crap. Imagine all the time I can have now…for blogging, internet surfing, hanging out with the family, playing with my pets, etc…as long as I'm not EATING! (Please note: I am not starving myself, just not eating crap 24/7 like I feel I used to do.)

Happy Monday! Have a wonderful week. J

Friday, October 22, 2010

Day 22…Weigh In…No excuses…

262.5 lbs.

Gained a pound.


I'm not.

I have no excuses.

I screwed up this week.

Yes, I have the "sniffles" and yes I did my longest walk yet…but I am still missing one thing: CONSISTENCY. I need to consistently get my walks in, I need to consistently avoid the junk food, increase my water intake, and take those damn vitamins – yuck! I need to consistently believe in myself…I just gotta do it! I'm not going to beat myself up over this, but I am going to kick myself in the A$$ and pick up the pace a bit with exercise. Need to develop a schedule and routine for my workouts.

Busy day today, helping with my husband's grandma's 80th "Surprise" birthday party (cleaning, cooking, gifting…), buying gifts for senior (in high school) band members, looking for a birthday gift for a 5th grader, and wrapping those gifts…Also meeting mother-in-law at her storage facility…"to see if I want anything"…um…not really, we are trying to de-junk our house! Keeping a smile on. Also, kids going every which way tonight for the last high school football game. One's in the band, one will be with a friend, and the youngest with us and grandparents sitting in the cold and rain watching the marching band…

Hmmm…wonder when I'm going to fit my exercise in…

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Day 21 - Ick…I gotta figure something out…

Okay, yesterday, I was doing fine…even got a 4 mile walk in…and then the dreaded bedtime snack cravings started…My husband got up and made him some nachos…BOY OH BOY…they looked soooo yummy! I did it. I couldn't help it. Before I knew what I was doing I had made myself a plate of them as well…I'm so mad at myself this morning! I know I will make mistakes but this comes too soon after a terrible weekend!

I need to set some goals to help me succeed:

1) I will more closely monitor my intake throughout the day…leaving some wiggle room for evening…that way I am sure to either be below my "points" or have that HEALTHY snack and not be over my "points" allowance.

2) I will make my snacks HEALTHY! (carrots would have made me feel better last night – even if I did go over my points!)

3) WEEKENDS – I will choose wisely at restaurants, ordering half sized entrĂ©es, foregoing the appetizers, and continuing to order water, etc.

4) WEEKENDS – I will exercise at least ONE of the weekends days and try to get my family involved. (IDEAS: Walks, playing in the yard, doing yard work, cleaning out the garage, using the home gym, etc.)

I am dreading weigh in tomorrow! I know I have been walking more and eating less than I used to, but I know I could be doing so much better. I feel like I can never do anything quite good enough for my own expectations…It'll be okay…I am just starting on this journey…it has only been 3 weeks…I should be proud of the changes I have made.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Just checking in…

I just wanted to check-in this morning before I go for a LONG walk. I feel great! I made good choices on Monday and Tuesday and will continue today. YAY! I was so down on myself Sunday and Monday…I wasn't sure how the week would go. I haven't missed a workout yet. Woo-hoo! I'm still sniffly, but I'll just take my Kleenex with me… lol…

Monday, October 18, 2010

Weekends, Colds, Ughhhh!

    I missed my Friday workout. I missed my Saturday workout (although I walked through the City Market for 2 hours). I also missed my Sunday workout. I have a fever, a stuffed up nose and my body aches. I did NOT follow my eating plan. I have always been one of those people that actually eats a lot while I am sick, so as to find the one food that makes me feel better. I never found that food. The junk I ate made me feel worse! When will I ever understand?

    I am starting over today. Not thinking about the poor choices I made over the weekend. I may not be able to work out to my full potential, but I will do the best I can. I feel like a slug. My body aches and I am moving in slow motion. I slept in, and ate a healthy breakfast. I ran some errands and now need to eat a healthy lunch. I will then read for a while and do some sort of cardio…ugg. I can do this! I will feel better…I just have to keep telling myself that…

Friday, October 15, 2010

Day 15, Weigh In

261.5 lbs.

I know I should be happy. I have lost 13.5 lbs. in the last few weeks. But I can't help feeling like I could be doing better. I am proud of my healthy eating choices (well, usually!) and I am proud that I am fitting more exercise into my schedule. But, as I sit here and type I think to myself…I should be out walking, or I should be downstairs working out. I will go for a walk today, but until then, I will be proud that I have lost 13 lbs. Woo-hoo!

Bookmarks…curious little things.


Last night I found a book that I had started to read a few years ago. It was a diet book. I was only 1/3 of the way through it, when I must have given up the diet struggle back in 2005. I flipped through the book and found an old bookmark. Except it wasn't really a book mark, it was a candy wrapper! No wonder I didn't lose the weight! That must have been a funny sight…to see a fat lady reading a diet book while munching on chocolate candy covered morsels! My current book mark is a post-it note. Other things I have used in the past include: Kleenex, q-tip (don't ask!), index cards, scraps of paper, and my favorite…candy wrappers! lol… What is your go-to bookmark?

Monday, October 11, 2010

Day 11, Staying Motivated and Avoiding French Fries

I have done well in the last 11 days. But I am starting to feel the lack of motivation settling in. It’s very difficult to go through a weekend in my house and make good choices. We usually end up being gone; either running errands or doing a family activity all day, then I get famished and we end up at a fast food place. This weekend I was able to forego the French fries. I ordered a chicken salad, but will I be able to do that week after week? Maybe. I mean, YES! YES I CAN! I can do this! I felt so good after eating a salad, but my heart ached for my family sitting around me…they were eating double cheeseburgers, fries, and ice cream treats…Wasn’t I suppose to be helping them as well? It’s hard not to feel like the bad guy when you tell them not to eat that crap. I am hoping they will begin to make those good choices after watching me do it for a while. They say actions speak louder than words. We shall see.

I am also feeling the lack of motivation to exercise. I am still unemployed, so what else do I need to do – NOTHING. Well, okay, laundry, dishes, dusting, vacuuming, etc, but really, I HAVE TIME FOR EXERCISE! Why don’t I want to do it? Because I still have the lazy bug in me. I feel SO GOOD when I work out, it’s just getting up to do it that’s difficult. I CAN DO THIS! I CAN DO THIS! I just need to plan a workout routine. Maybe make a checklist of what I do on what days. I have a wonderful home gym, but don’t know what exercise to do on it or for how long. I have been working mostly on cardio (treadmill), but now I think I need to throw some weights in there as well.

Well, I’m off to call the A/C repair man. It seems like it’s always something around here that needs to be fixed…

Day 8, Weigh In

263 lbs.

Cool!  I Lost weight even though it was "that time of the month!"  I didn't know what to expect.  :)

Friday, October 1, 2010

Day 1, Donut Shop and Walk (Yep, you read it right...)

So today is DAY 1…duh, duh, duh, dunnnnnnn…Yep, I’m gonna do it.  I have been getting inspired over the last month or so.  And now, I NEED to do this thing.  I’m not going to comfort myself with food, but rather, this blog (and of course carrots!).  It’s just you and me; no one else, for now.  Only my kids and husband know about this trek I am beginning.  That way if I fail, I’m not too embarrassed.

After getting laid off, or non-renewed, or whatever you want to call it – I am unemployed.  I have a BA in Elem Ed, but have no job to show for it.  So I figure my fulltime job should probably be looking for a job – of which there are NONE right now…or losing weight.  Why shouldn’t I commit myself to this and use my time to better myself?  Because, I am lazy, plain and simple, L-A-Z-Y.  I knew what I had to do (EAT LESS and MOVE MORE), so I started to get inspired (I have to play this mind game with myself, or I won’t be motivated).  I started reading Fat Blogs, Fat books, and looking into healthy eating (Which SUCKS when you are THE pickiest eater EVER!).  I finally broke down and paid for Weight Watchers Online yesterday.  Now, I don’t have a job, so things are pretty tight around here as far as money goes, and even a possible bankruptcy in our future, but I need to have some accountability and HELP.  So I checked around and Weight Watchers will fit the bill nicely, I hope.  Ok, as of right now I get 31 points a day.  Just out of curiosity, I tracked what I ate yesterday – I had consumed 58 points worth of JUNK.  Now I know how I gained weight, I was eating DOUBLE what I should have been eating, and quite often, too.
So, today began with a trip to the donut shop.  NO!  It was not for me.  My daughter ever-so-kindly volunteered to bring donuts to a before school meeting that was to be held today.  Yeah, so I woke up and got dressed on my first official “farewell to fat” day, and headed to the donut shop.  My mouth watered all the way there, while I was inside looking at all of those evil little cellulite creators, and all the way to school!  But I didn’t even really want one.  I felt so proud of myself!  I carried the donuts into the school and set them on the table.  Not even peeking inside the wonderfully warm donut box. I don’t know if I could have turned back after looking at the warm creatures… Go me!

I gave her a hug and left.  When I got back in my car, I noticed something.  My daughter had left her chocolate milk in there.  (One of my weaknesses!!)  AHHHHHHHHHH…will this torture ever end!?!?!?  I wanted a sip, just a tiny sip.  But I didn’t do it.  I looked at it for a long time, but I didn’t touch it.  Except when I brought it home and put it in the refrigerator for her…Oh crap!  I think I put it in there…I better go check.  Yep, it’s in there.  She will have a nice afternoon snack.  J

After I dropped my daughter off at school (With her evil donut boxes!), I went to the trail.  There is a nice walking trail in town.  It is a 2 mile loop.  You can park at various spots along the trail.  I decided to walk the flat half today.  I walked it in about 45 minutes.  It was about 2 miles because I walked down it and then came back.  I felt great!  (I didn’t remember 46° feeling so COLD!!!) I was actually gonna do this thing.  Then I started seeing people.  Oh God!  Not people!  I saw a group of 3 older women chatting and laughing as they meandered through the forest on the trail.  I then saw a man walking towards me, a hoodie over his head, but shorts on, boy did he have chicken legs.  As he got closer I saw the lipstick and realized it was a really an older lady.  Oops!  I bet she was thinking “Look at this cow coming towards me, I hope we can both fit on the trail…”  I felt a bit sheepish after that.  I walked a bit further and picked up the pace.  I saw person on a bicycle coming my way.  (Yes, I said “person”, I don’t know if it was male or female and I’m not guessing anymore!  lol…).  The man was nice enough (at first) but then said “I’m glad to see you out walking!”…I said, “Th…an…ks…”  What was that suppose to mean!?!?!?  Was he saying he was glad to see I was trying to lose my fat ass?  Did he genuinely mean, he was glad to make small talk with someone?  Was he drunk?  Idk.  But, of course as a fat girl, I was offended.  Does everyone look at me and judge me because of my weight?  Probably.  Just as I had made a comment to myself about the “guys” chicken legs.  People probably think the worst things of me as well.  I don’t blame them.  It looks as though I have no pride in myself or my appearance.  I need to do this thing.  I need to find the me that is lost in all of these chaffing rolls of FAT.

This has been an interesting day so far.  And it’s only 10:45 am…Better eat a small snack and then go workout.

Day 1, Weigh In

266.5 lbs.

Woo-hoo! The weigh in was less than I thought! I had been saying I was 275 - ick, I can't even believe I let my self get to that point. Yuck. Well, on the upside weight watchers thinks I just lost 8.5 lbs. They congratulated me and said the plan must be working! Yeah, cause in 18 hours I lost 8.5 lbs...wow, now that would be amazing!

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