About Me

I am a proud wife and mother of 3 girls, 2 dogs, & 3 cats. I lost my job last year, due to budget cuts in education. I feel sick over the loss. I have decided to overcome my depression and weight gain, by turning my life around. First item - weight loss. I want to feel better, have more energy, see my kids grow up and meet my grand-kids. I don't want to be embarrassed about my size, if I don't get the job, I don't want to wonder - Is it because I am fat? I want to find me.


I'm glad you stopped by, and hope you find some connection or a bit of enjoyment in my musings of uncovering my true self; a lighter, happier, mother and wife. Leave a comment, support the sponsors, follow my blog, but most of all, be inspired and know you are not alone!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Day 78 – Weigh In, 243.2 lbs.

I have lost 31.8 lbs. That's pretty cool. Why don't I feel like I have lost it? My clothes feel a little looser, but I thought I'd see it in my face more. You know, my goal was to lose my double chin…lol. I just thought I would be a bit more slim-looking in the mirror. Don't get me wrong, I "feel" better…I have more energy and my depression seems to be in check, but I just thought I would notice more of a change in my body. Today is my 35th birthday. Yikes, I'm closer to 40 now than 30. (Remember, I'm all about the numerical rules for rounding…) I know this journey isn't going to get an easier, so I'm glad I'm doing it now instead of at 45. But I wish I would have done it at 25, instead of now…

I got a new scale for my birthday! I was so excited to use it. (Don't worry I have compared the new to the old and have calibrated them to match. J) It has weight to the tenth of a pound, body fat, % water, bone density and can save up to 4 users. I opened it and tried to set it up for User 1 (me, of course!) and it wouldn't let me program it with my height, age, etc. I am so frustrated. I really was excited about it… It does the regular function of weighing me, but I wanted so much more…So I'm off to Bed, Bath and Beyond to exchange it. I hope the next one works right.

Well, nothing much different here…Just finishing up Christmas shopping and cleaning the house for my parents who will be with us for about 10 days…from Christmas Eve thru Jan 2nd or so.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Day 64 - Weigh In

250 lbs ... Well actually 249.5, but I like to follow the mathematical laws when rounding...  lol...

That was an awesome feeling!  Our scale is one of those doctor's office ones, with the height bracket and the sliding weights at the top.  I slid it over to 250, ready to add more pounds with the smaller slide...but it sunk.  I didn't weigh enough to start with 250!  WOO - HOO!!!  I dropped it to 200, then added the pounds with the top row...Yes, I had to go almost the whole way to 50...but I got to stop it at 49.5...I was thrilled, and it motivated me to get my a$$ on the treadmill!  I walked for 35 minutes and did 15 minutes of weights/abs.  I feel good.

Day 64 - Whining, Excuses, and Tangents...

So…it’s been a while since I have checked in...

I have been thinking about so many different issues lately, and starting to feel the stress of the holidays overcome me.  We are struggling financially (remember I was laid off and can’t seem to land a job…), so buying things for the kids is a bit more difficult this year.  Our furnace is acting up, the garbage disposal just broke and our water heater is on the fritz.  

I am trying so hard to stay on plan with my food choices, even if I don’t get to work out.  I feel good about that.  I lost 3.5 lbs over Thanksgiving weekend!  Not sure if it has stayed off…will weigh in a few minutes.

I have been trying to pick up some graphic design work on the side and bring home a bit of money to help out, but it’s very unpredictable.  I really need a job.  My husband is starting to make comments under his breath about my “relaxing” days and how maybe he should get fired so he could take some time off and relax.  I’m sick of that attitude.  Since I am staying home now, I am taking ALL of the household responsibilities (trash, repairs, bills, etc.).  He doesn’t do anything around the house.  However, he does usually work 40-60 hours a week and has an hour commute each way…so I don’t mind doing all of the household stuff, but I also don’t appreciate being taken for granted and being made to feel like I’m not contributing as much as he is.  …Sorry, off on a tangent there, just have to vent sometimes!  Thanks for listening.

Now, back to my exercise problem…I haven’t been doing it!  I don’t know why.  I have no reasons.  I just can’t seem to get motivated to move my fat a$$.  All I have to do is go down about 13 steps to the basement and get on the treadmill to walk.  Doesn’t take that much effort.  Just do it.  Even have dvd’s ready to be watched.  I am just lazy.  I know how good I feel afterwards!  I need help with my motivation.  I thought the family was going to help with that, but it isn’t working.  I want my husband to join me on this journey; I thought we could do this together.  He is taking 3 prescription meds for Type 2 diabetes and high cholesterol.  I thought he could maybe get off the meds…but I’m not sure how to motivate him either.  I don’t want him to think I’m forcing him into something, and I know he has to want it.  So I just thought I’d start and he would follow.  Not working so far.  Hmmm…I’ll keep pondering.

Will post my weight a little later today...and hopefully an update about me working out!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

…and you were scared…

Day 55 of my new life…

Well, after last week's "epic fail" I have decided that I need to find a strategy for motivation…Whoa, huh, a real revelation here. Isn't that what we all struggle with? Now that it's getting cooler outside, I'm not as "thrilled" to go walking. I have a gym and a treadmill at home, but I have not been "on plan" with using them. I was for a while, like 6 weeks, but now…not so much. I think it's just one of those things I need to JUST DO. NO MORE EXCUSES!

I decided not to weight in last week. I knew I hadn't made the best food choices and I only walked 2 times! I just was too disappointed in myself to step on the scale. It's ok that skipped it, but I knew I needed to face up to what I had done (AND NOT DONE!)… so this morning I decided I would weigh in. I step on the scale and looked…it was actually down 2 more lbs! I couldn't believe it! The minor food changes I have done HAVE really made a difference!

I am proud of that. I have lost 20 lbs. I can cross off another goal. Woo-hoo!

I have decided to wait 1 full week and a few days until my next weigh in (12/10/10)…even with the holiday, I'm hoping for a big number. I just need to realize that those BIG numbers come from EXERCISING AND EATING RIGHT!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Day 43, Weigh In

257 lbs. Woo-hoo! That's 18 lbs. GONE!

Even though I haven't been on my A-game lately with working out and even straying off my eating plan a bit…I have still lost weight. I attribute this to making better choices, even when I splurge. I eat treats in moderation, and that's ok. I never wanted to be on a plan that made me starve or deprive myself. I just want to eat less junk and smaller portions of the good stuff. I do want to work out more than I have been…but over all I am proud of myself!

It's a yucky, nasty, cold and rainy here today. I think I'll throw in my dvd (Big Bang Theory – Season 1) and watch tv while I walk on the treadmill for a while before starting to dig out the Christmas decorations. Yes, I am aware that it is not even Thanksgiving yet, but I just love the holiday season this year! I have been Ms. Scrooge for the past few years, but this year, something is different…maybe it's my new attitude toward living and LOVING life! I can't wait to sit by a cozy fire and look at the beautiful tree! I have already been listening to Christmas music since November 1st! And on Thanksgiving, I will have turkey and be thankful just like every year, then I will go back into Christmas mode. lol… :)

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Just an update…

I have been struggling with getting my workouts in. I can feel it. Bleh! I haven't been losing as much as I want, been the same weight for about 2 weeks now. I can't seem to get it through my thick skull…I'm going to have to work at this. I'm going to have to work HARD at this. Just do it. No excuses.

I'm working on that.

Yesterday I had the doctor draw blood to get some "before" statistics. I will get those results either today or tomorrow…maybe post them, not sure yet. I thought it might motivate me to try a little harder. I want to be accountable and may start weighing in at the doctor's office every couple of weeks…just an idea.

On a brighter note, I think I have overcome my depression, at least for the most part. When August came and the kids went back to school, I was crushed. (For those that don't remember, I am a teacher that was laid off last year due to cutbacks in education.) I SO enjoyed spending the summer with them, without the stress of preparing for the upcoming school year. But when school started, and the kids were all up and getting ready, bustling around in the mornings, and then leave to catch the bus; I felt lonely. I didn't know what to do. I felt worthless, unneeded, and I thought I was a failure. After hubby and kids were gone, I would lie down on the couch and cry myself to sleep. I would sometimes nap for the majority of the day… I knew this was not okay; I was in a deep, dark place. August and September were a blur, and if I didn't do something different I wasn't going to get any better. I would eat, sleep, cry and then do it all over again. My slump lasted until October 1st. I reevaluated my actions and started to make changes.

On October 1st, I decided to make permanent changes. No more naps in the mornings; instead I would exercise or do something else constructive (even blogging is better than eating or sleeping!). I joined WW and started to think about food differently. I got creative with healthy food so my family could eat the same things that I was eating…they need to eat healthier too, right? Since October 1st, I have felt so much better. I don't nap anymore. My house is more clean and organized. I have held my head up high and decided that I am "needed" and worthy of my family's love; and more importantly, worthy of my own love and respect. I have realized that I am not a failure. I am a good teacher, (my scores from last year's test PROVE it!!!); the government, school district and principal are all failures. They should have done things differently and not cheated so many children out of a quality education.



Monday, October 25, 2010

Happy Monday! :) (Bouncing back!)

Whew! That was better.

This weekend I had to make up for my terrible week. I did great! I survived a surprise birthday party and Sunday football, while making good food choices.

I was inspired by a quote by a fellow blogger…I cannot remember which blog I read it on...sorry!     

Here it is: "You will NEVER REGRET what you DON'T eat." Simple as that.

I used to get so caught up in the "taste" or the "idea" of eating a certain food, like I was an addict. You know what; I think I was a food addict. I didn't care if it was healthy or not, if I liked it, it was going into my mouth. Now I'm much more calculated in my assault on food. I think about how I will feel afterwards. Will I regret it? Is it worth an extra 30 minutes of exercise just for that little bite of cake? HELL NO! I would rather NOT eat it, and use those 30 minutes for something else. J

I spent too much time regretting what I ate last week, and in my "previous" fat life. I have wasted too much time eating crap. Imagine all the time I can have now…for blogging, internet surfing, hanging out with the family, playing with my pets, etc…as long as I'm not EATING! (Please note: I am not starving myself, just not eating crap 24/7 like I feel I used to do.)

Happy Monday! Have a wonderful week. J

Friday, October 22, 2010

Day 22…Weigh In…No excuses…

262.5 lbs.

Gained a pound.


I'm not.

I have no excuses.

I screwed up this week.

Yes, I have the "sniffles" and yes I did my longest walk yet…but I am still missing one thing: CONSISTENCY. I need to consistently get my walks in, I need to consistently avoid the junk food, increase my water intake, and take those damn vitamins – yuck! I need to consistently believe in myself…I just gotta do it! I'm not going to beat myself up over this, but I am going to kick myself in the A$$ and pick up the pace a bit with exercise. Need to develop a schedule and routine for my workouts.

Busy day today, helping with my husband's grandma's 80th "Surprise" birthday party (cleaning, cooking, gifting…), buying gifts for senior (in high school) band members, looking for a birthday gift for a 5th grader, and wrapping those gifts…Also meeting mother-in-law at her storage facility…"to see if I want anything"…um…not really, we are trying to de-junk our house! Keeping a smile on. Also, kids going every which way tonight for the last high school football game. One's in the band, one will be with a friend, and the youngest with us and grandparents sitting in the cold and rain watching the marching band…

Hmmm…wonder when I'm going to fit my exercise in…

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Day 21 - Ick…I gotta figure something out…

Okay, yesterday, I was doing fine…even got a 4 mile walk in…and then the dreaded bedtime snack cravings started…My husband got up and made him some nachos…BOY OH BOY…they looked soooo yummy! I did it. I couldn't help it. Before I knew what I was doing I had made myself a plate of them as well…I'm so mad at myself this morning! I know I will make mistakes but this comes too soon after a terrible weekend!

I need to set some goals to help me succeed:

1) I will more closely monitor my intake throughout the day…leaving some wiggle room for evening…that way I am sure to either be below my "points" or have that HEALTHY snack and not be over my "points" allowance.

2) I will make my snacks HEALTHY! (carrots would have made me feel better last night – even if I did go over my points!)

3) WEEKENDS – I will choose wisely at restaurants, ordering half sized entrĂ©es, foregoing the appetizers, and continuing to order water, etc.

4) WEEKENDS – I will exercise at least ONE of the weekends days and try to get my family involved. (IDEAS: Walks, playing in the yard, doing yard work, cleaning out the garage, using the home gym, etc.)

I am dreading weigh in tomorrow! I know I have been walking more and eating less than I used to, but I know I could be doing so much better. I feel like I can never do anything quite good enough for my own expectations…It'll be okay…I am just starting on this journey…it has only been 3 weeks…I should be proud of the changes I have made.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Just checking in…

I just wanted to check-in this morning before I go for a LONG walk. I feel great! I made good choices on Monday and Tuesday and will continue today. YAY! I was so down on myself Sunday and Monday…I wasn't sure how the week would go. I haven't missed a workout yet. Woo-hoo! I'm still sniffly, but I'll just take my Kleenex with me… lol…

Monday, October 18, 2010

Weekends, Colds, Ughhhh!

    I missed my Friday workout. I missed my Saturday workout (although I walked through the City Market for 2 hours). I also missed my Sunday workout. I have a fever, a stuffed up nose and my body aches. I did NOT follow my eating plan. I have always been one of those people that actually eats a lot while I am sick, so as to find the one food that makes me feel better. I never found that food. The junk I ate made me feel worse! When will I ever understand?

    I am starting over today. Not thinking about the poor choices I made over the weekend. I may not be able to work out to my full potential, but I will do the best I can. I feel like a slug. My body aches and I am moving in slow motion. I slept in, and ate a healthy breakfast. I ran some errands and now need to eat a healthy lunch. I will then read for a while and do some sort of cardio…ugg. I can do this! I will feel better…I just have to keep telling myself that…

Friday, October 15, 2010

Day 15, Weigh In

261.5 lbs.

I know I should be happy. I have lost 13.5 lbs. in the last few weeks. But I can't help feeling like I could be doing better. I am proud of my healthy eating choices (well, usually!) and I am proud that I am fitting more exercise into my schedule. But, as I sit here and type I think to myself…I should be out walking, or I should be downstairs working out. I will go for a walk today, but until then, I will be proud that I have lost 13 lbs. Woo-hoo!

Bookmarks…curious little things.


Last night I found a book that I had started to read a few years ago. It was a diet book. I was only 1/3 of the way through it, when I must have given up the diet struggle back in 2005. I flipped through the book and found an old bookmark. Except it wasn't really a book mark, it was a candy wrapper! No wonder I didn't lose the weight! That must have been a funny sight…to see a fat lady reading a diet book while munching on chocolate candy covered morsels! My current book mark is a post-it note. Other things I have used in the past include: Kleenex, q-tip (don't ask!), index cards, scraps of paper, and my favorite…candy wrappers! lol… What is your go-to bookmark?

Monday, October 11, 2010

Day 11, Staying Motivated and Avoiding French Fries

I have done well in the last 11 days. But I am starting to feel the lack of motivation settling in. It’s very difficult to go through a weekend in my house and make good choices. We usually end up being gone; either running errands or doing a family activity all day, then I get famished and we end up at a fast food place. This weekend I was able to forego the French fries. I ordered a chicken salad, but will I be able to do that week after week? Maybe. I mean, YES! YES I CAN! I can do this! I felt so good after eating a salad, but my heart ached for my family sitting around me…they were eating double cheeseburgers, fries, and ice cream treats…Wasn’t I suppose to be helping them as well? It’s hard not to feel like the bad guy when you tell them not to eat that crap. I am hoping they will begin to make those good choices after watching me do it for a while. They say actions speak louder than words. We shall see.

I am also feeling the lack of motivation to exercise. I am still unemployed, so what else do I need to do – NOTHING. Well, okay, laundry, dishes, dusting, vacuuming, etc, but really, I HAVE TIME FOR EXERCISE! Why don’t I want to do it? Because I still have the lazy bug in me. I feel SO GOOD when I work out, it’s just getting up to do it that’s difficult. I CAN DO THIS! I CAN DO THIS! I just need to plan a workout routine. Maybe make a checklist of what I do on what days. I have a wonderful home gym, but don’t know what exercise to do on it or for how long. I have been working mostly on cardio (treadmill), but now I think I need to throw some weights in there as well.

Well, I’m off to call the A/C repair man. It seems like it’s always something around here that needs to be fixed…

Day 8, Weigh In

263 lbs.

Cool!  I Lost weight even though it was "that time of the month!"  I didn't know what to expect.  :)

Friday, October 1, 2010

Day 1, Donut Shop and Walk (Yep, you read it right...)

So today is DAY 1…duh, duh, duh, dunnnnnnn…Yep, I’m gonna do it.  I have been getting inspired over the last month or so.  And now, I NEED to do this thing.  I’m not going to comfort myself with food, but rather, this blog (and of course carrots!).  It’s just you and me; no one else, for now.  Only my kids and husband know about this trek I am beginning.  That way if I fail, I’m not too embarrassed.

After getting laid off, or non-renewed, or whatever you want to call it – I am unemployed.  I have a BA in Elem Ed, but have no job to show for it.  So I figure my fulltime job should probably be looking for a job – of which there are NONE right now…or losing weight.  Why shouldn’t I commit myself to this and use my time to better myself?  Because, I am lazy, plain and simple, L-A-Z-Y.  I knew what I had to do (EAT LESS and MOVE MORE), so I started to get inspired (I have to play this mind game with myself, or I won’t be motivated).  I started reading Fat Blogs, Fat books, and looking into healthy eating (Which SUCKS when you are THE pickiest eater EVER!).  I finally broke down and paid for Weight Watchers Online yesterday.  Now, I don’t have a job, so things are pretty tight around here as far as money goes, and even a possible bankruptcy in our future, but I need to have some accountability and HELP.  So I checked around and Weight Watchers will fit the bill nicely, I hope.  Ok, as of right now I get 31 points a day.  Just out of curiosity, I tracked what I ate yesterday – I had consumed 58 points worth of JUNK.  Now I know how I gained weight, I was eating DOUBLE what I should have been eating, and quite often, too.
So, today began with a trip to the donut shop.  NO!  It was not for me.  My daughter ever-so-kindly volunteered to bring donuts to a before school meeting that was to be held today.  Yeah, so I woke up and got dressed on my first official “farewell to fat” day, and headed to the donut shop.  My mouth watered all the way there, while I was inside looking at all of those evil little cellulite creators, and all the way to school!  But I didn’t even really want one.  I felt so proud of myself!  I carried the donuts into the school and set them on the table.  Not even peeking inside the wonderfully warm donut box. I don’t know if I could have turned back after looking at the warm creatures… Go me!

I gave her a hug and left.  When I got back in my car, I noticed something.  My daughter had left her chocolate milk in there.  (One of my weaknesses!!)  AHHHHHHHHHH…will this torture ever end!?!?!?  I wanted a sip, just a tiny sip.  But I didn’t do it.  I looked at it for a long time, but I didn’t touch it.  Except when I brought it home and put it in the refrigerator for her…Oh crap!  I think I put it in there…I better go check.  Yep, it’s in there.  She will have a nice afternoon snack.  J

After I dropped my daughter off at school (With her evil donut boxes!), I went to the trail.  There is a nice walking trail in town.  It is a 2 mile loop.  You can park at various spots along the trail.  I decided to walk the flat half today.  I walked it in about 45 minutes.  It was about 2 miles because I walked down it and then came back.  I felt great!  (I didn’t remember 46° feeling so COLD!!!) I was actually gonna do this thing.  Then I started seeing people.  Oh God!  Not people!  I saw a group of 3 older women chatting and laughing as they meandered through the forest on the trail.  I then saw a man walking towards me, a hoodie over his head, but shorts on, boy did he have chicken legs.  As he got closer I saw the lipstick and realized it was a really an older lady.  Oops!  I bet she was thinking “Look at this cow coming towards me, I hope we can both fit on the trail…”  I felt a bit sheepish after that.  I walked a bit further and picked up the pace.  I saw person on a bicycle coming my way.  (Yes, I said “person”, I don’t know if it was male or female and I’m not guessing anymore!  lol…).  The man was nice enough (at first) but then said “I’m glad to see you out walking!”…I said, “Th…an…ks…”  What was that suppose to mean!?!?!?  Was he saying he was glad to see I was trying to lose my fat ass?  Did he genuinely mean, he was glad to make small talk with someone?  Was he drunk?  Idk.  But, of course as a fat girl, I was offended.  Does everyone look at me and judge me because of my weight?  Probably.  Just as I had made a comment to myself about the “guys” chicken legs.  People probably think the worst things of me as well.  I don’t blame them.  It looks as though I have no pride in myself or my appearance.  I need to do this thing.  I need to find the me that is lost in all of these chaffing rolls of FAT.

This has been an interesting day so far.  And it’s only 10:45 am…Better eat a small snack and then go workout.

Day 1, Weigh In

266.5 lbs.

Woo-hoo! The weigh in was less than I thought! I had been saying I was 275 - ick, I can't even believe I let my self get to that point. Yuck. Well, on the upside weight watchers thinks I just lost 8.5 lbs. They congratulated me and said the plan must be working! Yeah, cause in 18 hours I lost 8.5 lbs...wow, now that would be amazing!

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