About Me

I am a proud wife and mother of 3 girls, 2 dogs, & 3 cats. I lost my job last year, due to budget cuts in education. I feel sick over the loss. I have decided to overcome my depression and weight gain, by turning my life around. First item - weight loss. I want to feel better, have more energy, see my kids grow up and meet my grand-kids. I don't want to be embarrassed about my size, if I don't get the job, I don't want to wonder - Is it because I am fat? I want to find me.


I'm glad you stopped by, and hope you find some connection or a bit of enjoyment in my musings of uncovering my true self; a lighter, happier, mother and wife. Leave a comment, support the sponsors, follow my blog, but most of all, be inspired and know you are not alone!

Friday, October 1, 2010

Day 1, Donut Shop and Walk (Yep, you read it right...)

So today is DAY 1…duh, duh, duh, dunnnnnnn…Yep, I’m gonna do it.  I have been getting inspired over the last month or so.  And now, I NEED to do this thing.  I’m not going to comfort myself with food, but rather, this blog (and of course carrots!).  It’s just you and me; no one else, for now.  Only my kids and husband know about this trek I am beginning.  That way if I fail, I’m not too embarrassed.

After getting laid off, or non-renewed, or whatever you want to call it – I am unemployed.  I have a BA in Elem Ed, but have no job to show for it.  So I figure my fulltime job should probably be looking for a job – of which there are NONE right now…or losing weight.  Why shouldn’t I commit myself to this and use my time to better myself?  Because, I am lazy, plain and simple, L-A-Z-Y.  I knew what I had to do (EAT LESS and MOVE MORE), so I started to get inspired (I have to play this mind game with myself, or I won’t be motivated).  I started reading Fat Blogs, Fat books, and looking into healthy eating (Which SUCKS when you are THE pickiest eater EVER!).  I finally broke down and paid for Weight Watchers Online yesterday.  Now, I don’t have a job, so things are pretty tight around here as far as money goes, and even a possible bankruptcy in our future, but I need to have some accountability and HELP.  So I checked around and Weight Watchers will fit the bill nicely, I hope.  Ok, as of right now I get 31 points a day.  Just out of curiosity, I tracked what I ate yesterday – I had consumed 58 points worth of JUNK.  Now I know how I gained weight, I was eating DOUBLE what I should have been eating, and quite often, too.
So, today began with a trip to the donut shop.  NO!  It was not for me.  My daughter ever-so-kindly volunteered to bring donuts to a before school meeting that was to be held today.  Yeah, so I woke up and got dressed on my first official “farewell to fat” day, and headed to the donut shop.  My mouth watered all the way there, while I was inside looking at all of those evil little cellulite creators, and all the way to school!  But I didn’t even really want one.  I felt so proud of myself!  I carried the donuts into the school and set them on the table.  Not even peeking inside the wonderfully warm donut box. I don’t know if I could have turned back after looking at the warm creatures… Go me!

I gave her a hug and left.  When I got back in my car, I noticed something.  My daughter had left her chocolate milk in there.  (One of my weaknesses!!)  AHHHHHHHHHH…will this torture ever end!?!?!?  I wanted a sip, just a tiny sip.  But I didn’t do it.  I looked at it for a long time, but I didn’t touch it.  Except when I brought it home and put it in the refrigerator for her…Oh crap!  I think I put it in there…I better go check.  Yep, it’s in there.  She will have a nice afternoon snack.  J

After I dropped my daughter off at school (With her evil donut boxes!), I went to the trail.  There is a nice walking trail in town.  It is a 2 mile loop.  You can park at various spots along the trail.  I decided to walk the flat half today.  I walked it in about 45 minutes.  It was about 2 miles because I walked down it and then came back.  I felt great!  (I didn’t remember 46° feeling so COLD!!!) I was actually gonna do this thing.  Then I started seeing people.  Oh God!  Not people!  I saw a group of 3 older women chatting and laughing as they meandered through the forest on the trail.  I then saw a man walking towards me, a hoodie over his head, but shorts on, boy did he have chicken legs.  As he got closer I saw the lipstick and realized it was a really an older lady.  Oops!  I bet she was thinking “Look at this cow coming towards me, I hope we can both fit on the trail…”  I felt a bit sheepish after that.  I walked a bit further and picked up the pace.  I saw person on a bicycle coming my way.  (Yes, I said “person”, I don’t know if it was male or female and I’m not guessing anymore!  lol…).  The man was nice enough (at first) but then said “I’m glad to see you out walking!”…I said, “Th…an…ks…”  What was that suppose to mean!?!?!?  Was he saying he was glad to see I was trying to lose my fat ass?  Did he genuinely mean, he was glad to make small talk with someone?  Was he drunk?  Idk.  But, of course as a fat girl, I was offended.  Does everyone look at me and judge me because of my weight?  Probably.  Just as I had made a comment to myself about the “guys” chicken legs.  People probably think the worst things of me as well.  I don’t blame them.  It looks as though I have no pride in myself or my appearance.  I need to do this thing.  I need to find the me that is lost in all of these chaffing rolls of FAT.

This has been an interesting day so far.  And it’s only 10:45 am…Better eat a small snack and then go workout.

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